I have a life?
by Silver Fire1
Summary: Dib pondering to himself how to uncover the true Zim while realizing something about his own life.
1. Life? Really?

This is my first short story, so be gentle, ok? I will be making longer stories when the ideas finally pop into my head, for now, this is all. ENJOY! ^^

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SHORT STORY: I have a life?

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Sitting at home, typing away on his laptop Dib sighs to himself. "I _know_ that somewhere, out there, there is an alien Elite _striving _upon the stupidity of Earth and it's people who are too dense to realize that they, like themselves, _are there_. And I _know_ that Zim is one of them! I just need to prove it, to bring the bone crushing facts and reality to the people of Earth. But how?" Irritated, he slammed his head down on his laptop. 

Suddenly he thought of an idea. "I KNOW! I can somehow get into Zim's house, reach his main system, pull a little wires here, push a little buttons there and pull up a screen of the Elite itself!! I can make a voice simulator so it can clone his voice into mine, and his leader's won't know the difference!! I can tell them that Earth is _finally_ under control and that I need to prove it to them, so, without them knowing, they come down without their Earthling disguises and are finally reveled to the good people of Earth!" He paused for a moment. "If only it were that simple, I'd first have to distract Zim so he knows I am not there and get past those freakish little gnomes." He sighed again and slammed his fist down hard on his desk. He sat there for a minute, thinking to himself. "Wait ... where did my life go?"


	2. An akward day for Zim

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An awkward day for Zim

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The next day at school Zim couldn't help but constantly look over at Gaz ever few seconds. "She is so awkward ... so strange and twisted, so weird that in every inch of her tiny ten-year-old body bursts a young, disturbed woman who sees the world as nothing but a simple side show ... ... ... ... she's perfect." Ms. Bitters noticed him staring at her and glided over to him.

"ZIM!" She screeched. "SNAP OUT OF IT! PAY ATTENTION!! Ok class, today's lesson is about DOOM." She glided over to the blackboard and wrote 'DOOM' in huge letters. He growled under his breath and sank in his chair.

After what seemed to be eternity, the bell rang for the kids to go to lunch. They all raced out and of course, like usual, Zim was the last to leave the room. When he got outside he noticed Gaz leaned against the classroom totally absorbed in her Gameslave. He stood there, staring at her freakishness, totally scared to walk up to her but at the same time wanting nothing else but to show her how he felt.

Suddenly, he walked up to her, grabbed her into his arms and gave her a long, slimy smooch. She shrieked and smacked him over the head with her Gameslave.

"YOU IDIOT! FILTHY CREATURE!" She yelled at him as she lurched over and started spitting.

Dib walked up to them, out of nowhere, and shook his head. "That was ... gross and quite disturbing." He said, raising an eyebrow at Zim. Zim blushed and fled away to the safety of the boys bathroom.

When he got inside he leaned over the sink and gagged. "How could I DO such a thing! And to a filthy human beef-eater!! MY MIND! IT IS WEAKENING INTO BUT A TINY RAISIN! ONCE A FLOURISHING RIPE FRUIT, NOW A SHRIVELED GRAPE! HOW CAN THIS BEEEEE!"

Suddenly, out of one of the toilets popped up Gir. Zim spun around lightning quick and raised an eyebrow at him. "GIR?! What are you doing here?!" He hissed. Gir Shrugged and flushed himself down the toilet again singing 'As The Saints Come Marching In'. Zim turned back around. "Could my day get any weirder?

LATER ON: Zim stormed home, ran down to his lab and jumped on his floating chair. "Maybe a little TV will cheer me up." He said hopefully. He turned on the main screen. A giant picture of Professor Membrane and a newscaster appeared. But this was different.

"So, can you tell us Professor Membrane what you big secret is?" The newscaster said, holding the microphone up to him. He cleared his throat and talked.

"Yes, well ... ..." Suddenly he unzipped his coat and took off his goggles. He was wearing a tight, sparkly red dress and black high heels. His face painted with make-up and his hair long and curly. "I have decided to go through operation. My dream is to become ... a woman. I am a trans." Behind them people started to scream and run around, suddenly, for no apparent reason, two buildings shot up in flames and there was a huge tidal wave of strawberry milk. 

Zim's eyes were wide as he turned off the main screen. "Never mind then ..."


	3. You get what you deserve

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You get what you deserve.

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Gaz were happy with her new mother. She, like any little girl needs, finally had the support of another female in the house. Dib, on the other hand, had taken it to be a decrease to the male population and an embarrassment to the family for having announced it on live TV the day before. He was angry and decided to take up drugs and alcohol. Professor membrane had always loved his children, but the new Madam Membrane had all the accessories of a loving, caring, concerned mother. Finally, Madam Membrane was complete. She quit her job at the lab and decided to become a secretary at a huge Law Firm.

"Oh Dears, my pearls of the world! Come children, eat your breakfast!" Madam Membrane called out to Gaz and Dib. They rushed in, taking their seats at the table. Gaz was dressed like usual with her strange purple hair and little dress, her Gameslave in one hand. On the other hand, Dib, who had now become the new school punk, had his hair spiked high and dyed a ravishing neon pink. He had an earring in one ear and an old, ripped up leather jacket.

While Madam Membrane slaved away at the stove in her frilly pink apron, Dib got impatient and irritable. "C'MON WOMAN, CAN'T U COOK ANY FASTER?! I GOTS TEN MINUTES TILL I HAVE TO LEAVE FOR THAT FILTHY HELL HOLE!" He spat at her. Feeling hurt, she turned around.

"My dear Dib, it isn't a Hell hole! It is school! A place where dreams come true!" She smiled sweetly at him and turned back to her cooking. Gaz looked up at him from her Gameslave and growled. He growled back at her but turned his attention again towards his mother.

"SHUT UP WOMAN AND GIVE ME MAH GRUB! AND GET ME A BEER WHILE YOU'RE AT IT TOO!" He yelled. She nodded, and being the giving mother that she is, went into the fridge to get him a beer. He grabbed it greedily out of her hands and chugged it down. He let out a huge belch and spit. She served them their breakfast and gave them their books. Dib threw his down and glared at her. "I don't need *these*" He said rudely. She nodded, afraid of her own son.

Gaz glared at her brother. "Watch yourself Dib, what goes around, comes around." Dib rolled his eyes and stuck his toung out at her. 

When they got to school, Dib noticed the janitor mopping up the floor. "My new target." He said quietly to himself. He walked over to him and leaned against the lockers. "What'cha think ur doin?"

The Janitor looked up. "Cleaning the floors." He said quietly. Dib smiled slyly.

"WELL WORK HARDER! I think they should CAN you, these aren't clean! Damn, I just stepped in shit back there!" He spit on the floor and walked to class.

At lunch, the kids all went outside to eat. Gaz noticed her brother picking on some little kids and hanging them by their underwear from the flag pole. She growled again and took out what seemed to be a walkie talkie. She said a few things in German and all the sudden a huge swarm of killer pigeons flew in, grabbed Dib by is jacket collar and flew out.

They took Dib to a desolate island where he was raped by rabid goats, had to sit and watch old re-runs of Leave It To Beaver and forced to dance the tango with a starving bear.

THE END!

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Please R & R if you wish me to continue on with I Have A Life?


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